Free To Be Me

Ok, so this one is probably gonna be a little like a rant. I'm dealing with some things that have me really angry right now. I'm just curious how old I have to be to be free to be me and make my own decisions? And, I would love to know how my choice of mates has anything to do with having respect for someone outside of the relationship? Yes, I understand that, as a single mom, I have to consider my children when it comes to choosing a mate. I don't want them to be hurt in any way. But just exactly how does my partnerships pertain to adult members of my family? I don't understand how someone could be so selfish and conceited as to think I should make MY life decisions based upon their opinions. Whom I choose to date has no reflection upon my respect for someone else as long as that someone wasn't with them first. And worse yet, this is a racial issue. Someone is telling me that if I had any respect for them I would not date someone of a different race. That's bogus. If they had any respect for me they wouldn't ask me to abandon my own preferences for their petty little reasons. "But my family will disown you"!!! Who cares!!! They didn't ask me if they could date or marry their partners. Why should I have to ask them? If they don't love me because of who I'm dating, then they never really did. I don't need or want people like that in my life. And asking how I would feel if my daughter dated someone outside of her race is just ridiculous. As a mom, I want my daughter to be cared for and respected. That is ALL that matters! I've been the victim of abuse by several of the white men I have been with, but never by a black man, not saying it doesn't happen, it just hasn't happened to me. I would much rather know my daughter is safe and happy than to put restrictions on her life like that. I want my daughter to be a leader and not conform to what others think she should be. The same goes for my son. Is it just me, or is it really self centered for this person to think I should date the kind of people she wants me to date "out of respect for her"? She doesn't even want me to have black friends. And why should I take advice from someone who has been divorced for 33 years and hasn't had a date in at least 10 years? Obviously she wasn't doing something right. Maybe if she would have stopped listening to stupid, racist, self righteous people she would be happy right now! Well, I guess I've rambled enough. I think I'll go drink a beer and try to forget about the ignorant people in the world.

Realizing What Someone Means To You

Sometimes it takes a tragedy to make you realize just how important someone is to you. If you are lucky, you will have the opportunity to show that person how much you care. Other times, unfortunately, you won't. I have been the victim of both of these situations.
Several years ago, I fell in love with a man that I had known most of my life. We were planning our life together when tragedy struck. One Friday night we had planned to go out for our weekly date night. I came home from work with a migraine, so I told him to go without me and have fun. I only asked that he not be out too late. He asked if I was sure. How many times I wished I would have just said no I cannot count, but I didn't. I said yes. His last words to me as he walked out the door was, "I love you". Around 3am I was awakened by the telephone. I answered to hear a friend's voice saying he had bad news. I was in utter disbelief when he told me he was at the hospital and my fiancée was dead. In that one moment, my life turned upside down. Everything he and I had been planning and dreaming for was over. I walked around in a daze for months. I talked to people I don't even remember talking to. For a very long time afterwards, I blamed myself. All the "what ifs" went through my head. What if I had just gone with him that night? What if I had asked him not to go? I finally realized that it was his time. I wasn't with him, because God wasn't finished with me yet. He took my angel home!
Recently, I suffered the other part of this situation. A very dear friend was involved in an incident that lead to him being critically injured and another person's death. When I first began to get information I knew nothing but the address and that someone had been killed. I became so afraid that my friend had been the one to die. All the things I wish I had told him filled my mind. Prayers that he was okay flooded my entire being. I wanted to tell him I love him, but I couldn't. I didn't know if I would ever have that chance. Thankfully, my friend was the one injured, and though he almost passed away, he is going to recover. It was a couple of days before I got the chance to talk with him. When I finally did, I took the opportunity to tell him just how important he is to me. I told him that I love him. I comforted him as best I could. Then, I reassured him that I will be here for him if he needs me for anything. Now, I have no regrets.
I got a second chance to let someone special know what a huge part of my life he is. This time I got lucky! However, you may not always have that chance, as I proved with my first story. I know my fiancée knew how much I loved him, but I did have regrets later. It's true that you don't know what you've got until it's gone (or you think it's gone). Unfortunately, gone is sometimes forever. You don't always have that second chance. So, tell the ones you love how special they are. Tell them how much you love them. Do everything in your power to show them how important they are to you. And most importantly, NEVER stop praying for them!